A totally normal carton of eggs sold for a record $80 million plus buyer’s premium in a Sotheby’s auction this week, smashing the previous record of $4.50. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said ...

Mennonites across Manitoba are excited about the new law firm Friesen Froese Harder that just opened up this week on Henderson Highway. “It was minus 35 on the day of our grand opening,” said Friesen.

Area man Garth Eby, 39, has just begun a yearlong project to dissemble every stitch of furniture in his house and replace all the screws with Robertsons. “I’m starting with the kitchen cabinets, ...

Even the Canadian satire industry has not escaped Trump’s trade war, with an expected 25% tariff to be slapped on all exports of sarcasm and mockery. “We don’t need Canada’s jokes. We have our own ...

In response to Trump’s tariff threat, the Canadian government has appointed Corny Martens to clean up the huge mound of knackzoat leftover on the Gruenfeld ball diamonds last summer. “It’s been there ...

Henderson resident Dave Buhler, 51, has resolved to dedicate the year 2025 to Bible memorization. “If I really put my mind to it, I think I can have ‘Jesus wept’ down pat by next Christmas,” said ...

Darren Klippenstein, janitor at Fifth Mennonite Church in Grunthal, rushed to the scene this evening after he heard the Women’s Quilting Club had spent all evening “spilling the tea.” “We didn’t make ...

Of all the mysteries that have befallen the Mennonite community over the centuries, the most baffling is why Loewen is pronounced “Low-en” and Toews is pronounced “Taves.” For consistency they should ...

With a trade war on the horizon, Mennonites across North America are looking for ways to keep out of the whole mess and preserve their pacifist values. “I’m thinking of going to the Conscientious ...

Less than a year after opening its doors, the Peavey Mart in Steinbach will be closing shop to be replaced by an empty Pizza Hut. “We were really hoping an empty Safeway store or empty Taco Bell might ...

The Third Mennonite Church of Goshen has had a burned-out lightbulb for more than three months, all due to the fact that members could not agree on how and when and who should change the bulb. “So we ...

SANTA FE, NM In an executive order this afternoon, President Trump declared he was restoring the greatness of the nation by renaming New Mexico as New ‘Murica. “As of this day, we will have, a […] ...